Monday, May 28, 2007

you start to forgive yourself, when you start to take less significance on the things that matter.

because sometimes, we cant always be there to save that little drop of tear, or to just save someone whom you believe needs saving.

maybe we're all tired of the assumptions that people make all the time. maybe it all boils down to the repetitive assurances that keep ringing, urging us on in this intensifying, utterly confusing world that is full of detours. okay, i think at certain points in time we all need space & time to think it through?

well im kinda unmotivated to get on to things right now, or start some serious work with my spiralling grades. the moment i saw those numbers, everything kinda sank in, although i really knew that it was a half-hearted effort. still, its comforting to hear that my folks are supporting me by the sidelines, but not comforting enough because i know that i aint trying hard enough? ):

i think i have gone overboard with hanging out these days. but i really needed it. how's it like going for countless movies shivering in that cold little theatre, heading from west coast to the east coast, rollerblading for hours, & even visiting the people whom i have missed so :D i cant believe i was this much close to paradise, having you guys with me around. it could never have been better.

would anyone come save me, just because they missed me? HAHA

& OH, sometimes waiting doesnt hurt. it aches.

we have come a long way, havent we. but i guess things never stop changing.

a thousand miles
10:00 PM

Thursday, May 17, 2007

what's a wall for,
that damned facade which takes away everything,
blocking and obstructing you from every move,
even the ones you truly love inside\

its totally hideous, isnt it.

well didnt they say that the suffering is what aches the most?
like a never-ending worm eating its way through every turn;
but really, its the fear of reaching the innermost wounds of the heart,
that aches a whole lot.

tell me, hasnt anyone experienced fear,
fear of imagining that something so perfectly fine would turn out for the worse
fear of imagining that someone you loved so much would suddenly disappear
fear of imagining that the fear would take you over,
just like an uncontollable wave, all out to get you down & under,
& wash you away like it was all a dream.

but thankfully, there happened to be dreamcatchers, all ready to fish you out from the deep dark oceans, just to bring you back to shore & see you together in one piece again. & you ask, where's that fear?

it never existed.

yes, fear somehow motivates you to pursue what's in your best interest, but fear too, is capable of stealing your heart away. & when you work so hard for what's ahead, the reasons slowly drift apart from each other. somehow i think all of us tend to work so hard for the things we strive to achieve, that along the way, we become so subconsciously aware of our surroundings, to the extent of even losing all traces of our starting point.

sometimes i wonder, are we all responding blindly to our goals, working so desperately hard, and falling so painfully hard when we fail to reach the standards, & then blaming each other for all that has been experienced.

but it aint a blame game.

on the other hand, i'm glad to know that there are dreamcatchers out there, ready to fish you out from those enclosed walls, bring you back to safe shore, & pretend as though the blame game never existed, because seeing you safe from all dangers, safe from all fears, is what's more important.

thank you, really. [:

a thousand miles
10:58 PM

Monday, May 14, 2007

so much for not updating [:

midyears was a total thriller, with late-night studying and endless discussions in between exam papers. i just hope i can pull through. i hope all of us can.

my last paper is tomorrow, wish me luck okay :D

somehow i cant put to words the things i feel.
but dont worry, such feelings are temporary, and yes, i hope everyone around me will survive, having to know that you guys have been tied down with work, work and work.

i think we have got lots to catch up on, seriously. but i guess im too afraid to tell you that.

well anywho, happy belated mother's day mummy (: & just to let you know, mother's day isnt just confined to one day alone, its EVERYDAY. i guess i'll try?

strength lies in those who believe, yeah.
[:

a thousand miles
11:28 PM

Monday, May 28, 2007

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Monday, May 14, 2007

YADA. (:

FEMME.

EVERYTHING WITHIN.

THE LOVE.

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