Sunday, April 22, 2007

this week has been pretty packed with stuff :D
haha it kinda sounds weird but it constituted mostly of SERVICE LEARNING
but it rocks when we have discussions, when we suddenly spring up with lame things but they are all for a good cause right (:

other than failing subjects, and all the other yadayada stuff which steals your mood away, i guess life has been okay, & thankfully there's service learning to keep me occupied from schoolwork. seriously, i think failing isnt something we should totally cross out from our lives :D

having to fail a couple of times at the start of the year was initially hard to bear for me, but we all have to pick up dont we. & to have the teacher to approach you to commend you on your good effort really diminishes the effect those numbers have on you (: but i really dont understand those go-getters who have nothing on their minds except for school and what not.

on a side note, i realised the staff here is really niceeee :D even the security guard rico was so concerned about us students, & to think that i spent some time talking & talking to him about stuff. haha, i think he recognises me alr because i look for him like every minute or so (:

security guards ROCK because they look out for you :D
they never fail to be there, unlike some others. who actually leave you disappointed. because of these people, all the other mood spoilers no longer mean that much anymore (:

well anyway had macs for dinner on tuesday with van and huiyin for sl purposes, and we spent most of our time springing up with ideas. (: apparently huiyin hypothizes that the more people there are around, there would be more inspiration and cohesion of creative juices :D hurr.
plus chui yi, no worries okay! we'll do just fine. (:

you know sometimes they say that
when a flower withers, & you are no longer able to see it grow,
another blooms right in front of you, giving you a new source of hope.

but nevertheless, its still a flowerbed in my backyard :D and doesnt it brighten you up to think that there are flowers you can hold close to you, never having to be afraid of losing them at all? those are real flowers you can count on (: haha what's with me & my nonsensical yadayada xD

i think im getting more attached to gamelan, because it really is something i can call my own, or rather, OUR own. although there are some things in my life i may never see or experience again, new things stream in like running water i guess. but the past can never be fully replaced.

sometimes, its the things that hold so close to you that are etched deep inside, & never revealed, because they are little sparks meant to light up your fire when the time is right.

& i'll hold forever close to mine;

Labels: close, feel the passion

a thousand miles
11:01 PM

Saturday, April 14, 2007

i dont know how to feel\

how's it for you when nothing you do could
change your mind
or when you just feel helpless when you know you
ought to do something?

yesterday wasnt that good for me, and the day started off with me kinda shaken up i guess. i mean, actually, for the first time. went to school with a pretty heavy state of mind, despite trying to put on a smile in front of everyone before assembly.

but on the bright side, mentoring really cheered me up because we played captain's ball in the netball court, & i didnt know our class was so united(: oddly, the game made me so much alert for the chinese test after that, haha and i managed to get most of the words in(:

sometimes i want to contribute to the class as mentor rep, but i give up by convincing myself that i cant. ): i'm gonna try this time round okay.

sometimes i wonder if i'm missing out on anything in my life. & truthfully, there are many, but i avoid them by shoving them under the rug. & when the rug is lifted up it really hurts to see them all again, because i really dont know how to react or feel about it ):

well i tried to get an idea of what was going on during chem yesterday but nothing really went in, & my mind was just preoccupied with other things. but i stared at the clock at a particular instant and i left myself in a daze for the next five minutes. btw the hands of the clock were pointing to eleven and six, but i dont think most of you would know\

& the day before that at that same instant, i was praying. for something. for someone(s).

oddly, it was the first time i ever put my heart & soul into something.

we all need some help at times dont we.

i aint strong either. but that doesnt mean that i'd discount the help of the people who are important to me.

strength lies in those who believe;
& i'd be praying for you guys, praying every step of the way.
be strong.

a thousand miles
10:06 PM

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Where's the strong side of you I've always believed in?

i guess i haven't been blogging, do forgive me on that
due to the school workload i'm having at the moment (:
(as if i'd be happy about it)

but if i'd it would be another thing altogether :D

aye if you dont wanna read, its okay. haha, super long post ahead
for my beloved belayers.

OBS(12-16 march)

the full five days were totally awe-inspiring, thought-provoking and lastly, self-discovering. anw i totally love my watch Armstrong! & ALEX our instructor(: there were a few "couples" in my watch, which i won't mention. HAHA it was definitely nice to see them showing each other affection :D so heartwarming hurrr.

KAYAKING

boy it was my first(: but it surely wouldn't be my last. haha, we had theory lessons beforehand, on how we had to hold the paddles and most importantly, paddling and steering. when we got on to the real thing, Alex performed a capsize drill and we were really impressed. but when he told us we had to do it too, we were panicking already(: haha

started kayaking with my partner yu zhou & we synchronised quite well(: & someone had to rub it in about the jelly fishes :\

SEA EXPEDITION

shared a triyak with Hien & Gan Shun (: i think we made a great team, tailing the navigator just in front. & we kept suan-ing them for being so close to us, but in fact we were the ones at fault :D then the rain settled in and gave my face a complete wash. felt really refreshing though. HAHA i think it was an hour plus into the expedition when our arm muscles ached like mad but still pushed on. & we kept hitting each other's paddles, which really made us frustrated.

but although we kept on paddling without really knowing where we were exactly going, we were all so concerned about pressing on that even i myself, discounted the well-beings of my teammates ): & Hien was feeling queasy, for which i felt utterly bad for that, so i backed up for her by paddling faster & constantly turning back to check that she was alright(:

we reached the ulu-ulu part of the island and set up camp there :D as Hien and I were FOOD ICs for the whole camp, we were responsible for the nutritional needs of our watch haha, and no, we didnt starve them or anything. but before that, we actually did something in the water at waist level, & were pretty hesitant about it at first. oddly, it felt really goooood to do that hehh. & we were afraid of other campers of staring at us, but anywho we came out of the water bursting out in laughter like retards((: i'll leave you to guess what we did haha.

BELAYING/ROCKCLIMBING

due to prior experience of rockclimbing and belaying with my dear alvina last year, i'm glad i remembered the knots & belay language(: had belaying trials before taking on the real thing (a.k.a rock wall) the next day. partnered up with Hien :D & we were attached to each other for the entire climb (yes, literally) i had difficulty getting a foothold at the start, but managed to get the hang of it again.

THEN. both Hien and i got stuck at the three-quarter mark, for which we started giving each other endless encouragements(: , & i pulled myself up a level higher. but the strap holding both of us together kinda tightened, which meant that i could not climb further but to wait for Hien to climb up too. i tried to pull her up, but Hien ended up losing her grip and hitting herself against the wall )): by that time we were both dead tired, so we decided to withdraw from the challenge.

Hien, you didnt have to feel bad about not reaching the top okay! i think if i were to climb up to the top without you, i don't think i would have been able to appreciate the presence of you being my pillar of strength(: we went up there with high hopes, but we came back down feeling so much satisfied for trying our best. love you for that(:

i think this activity really taught me something. & to think of those who held my back during the belay; they didnt even give a word of complaint or showed any signs of frustration.
yet how often are we able to appreciate the words and actions of others, even in real life, the people who play the silent roles of BELAYERS, working backstage and not obvious, supporting others when all seems bleak. & yet all we can do is just whine and groan even when these BELAYERS have put in their hundred percent without expecting anything in return.

i dont know, but looking back i think i have already let some of them down. i mean, i disregarded their presences, not even showing a certain form of appreciation for them really being there for me. sigh.

thank you, all/
for silently bearing with me, and never showing any signs of giving up.
& i'm gonna show you,
that i can be a belayer too.

(:

TRUST FALL

i think this was one of the most significant activities of the camp(: everyone had to hold on to one end of the mat and ensure that it was safe enough for the "faller" to fall on. i thought Armstrong did quite well, & Alex commented that i did great :D haha well after all arent we all supposed to trust our teammates and just let the falling part flow :\ yes, i trusted Armstrong(:

LAND EXPEDITION

trekked all the way to the highest point of pulau ubin, & we had a magnificent view of a quarry which is now filled with water! you should have seen its size(: Alex instructed us to cheer "I <3 Armstrong!" and we did, to which returned as our own echos, sounding like kids 98109347031 octaves higher. ((:

i think it was during the land expedition when we actually saw the worst and best in ourselves, sinking to lows like taking breaks every 5 minutes when we could have endured further and taking longer breaks instead. frustration & impatience were the keys to breaking our team apart, but understanding & encouraging really made our team TOGETHER AS ONE.

yeah and one moment you could see us all complaining about the weather/heavy backpack/dehydration/discomfort and at another you would see us laughing our heads off and thus trying to regain our balance as we were drunk in our own retardedness. esp when Hien and i shared an inside joke which left us laughing uncontrollably((:

NIGHT TIME LAUGHS/RETARDEDNESS

i simply love armstrong, especially our lame selves at night. haha, maybe we were easily stimulated at night xD on one night when the girls camped in one single tent and felicia asked if she could come in, the guys were the other tent said "YES" hahaha & many more inside jokes haha HEHH. (:

on the last night we finished all our canned food, including chicken curry, sardines, anchovies, baked beans, braised peanuts, chicken soup, mushrooms and our rice rations, but we couldnt finish them all. Movin entertained us by singing, hey his voice really is powerful eh. (:

all of us girls thought it would be boring to sleep on the last night, so we stayed up late for some girl talk, and seriously the guys were really tempted to come in :D

(((:
i guess that pretty much wraps up obs, and i thoroughly enjoyed it (: well it just surprised me to see that the attitudes that some of us had were so contrasting, & how people would view a cup half-filled with water as half-full, while others would view it as half-empty. it was definitely an enriching experience though.

random: water was the best drink throughout obs(:

TODAY.

well today was okayy! assembly was pretty gooood with music awareness day(: & there was a whole lineeee of performances put up by the talented students nus high. the bands played quite well, for the fact that they only had a week to practice yea. the drummers were so pro(: & i guess i'd never ever play that superbly well ):

stayed back in school for physics project. I must say, that i have never ever really put myself fully into any commitment or whatever, but today i was unusually enthu about getting it done(: & i really enjoyed myself, especially cutting pieces of wood & using the scroll saw again in the art room. haha speaking of putting my dnt experience into practicee(:

& on my way home, i walked through the linkway again leading to the eunos bus interchange and there was a pasar malam((: haha to think that i was actually chiding myself into saving up to buy stuff from there. AND GUESS WHAT. i splurged on food okay. bought one of those yummy chicken wings although i had a bad cough :\ SINFUL BUT HECK ITS NICE. (: haha its fun to splurge, i mean occasionally. & of all things, it just had to be FOOD :D

i think i've gone baddd.

well sometimes when you are full of praise for someone & you really mean it from your heart, & somehow it just doesnt get across the way you want to. i mean, i dont see a point in getting all fessed up just because someone insists on thinking that he or she doesnt deserve that sort of praise :\ sighh.

but anw, even when that happens, its still better to feel good about yourself once in a while & indulge in self-praise, rewarding youself with the little things. haha & today just had to be foooood(: i find that i hardly do that to myself, so i guess i should do it more hurrr :D and btw did i mention; the pasar malam brings back memories(:

it aint the same anymore though.

cathlin! i dont know if you'd read this, but no worries okayy! i'm fine. although i may disappear from the face of the earth once in a while, but i'm still around(:

are you on belay?

a thousand miles
11:05 PM

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

YADA. (:

FEMME.

EVERYTHING WITHIN.

THE LOVE.

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