Thursday, November 30, 2006

I've been segregating my priorities,
and I'm totally blown out by the demands of them
and I can't take it no more;

a part of me is screaming out loud
while another part of me is desperately trying to suppress it

sigh.

I don't wanna say it out here either
because I'm afraid of something I shouldn't even be afraid of
and yes, I feel restrained again]:

a thousand miles
8:34 PM

Monday, November 27, 2006

you know, sometimes I feel so restrained having a blog
and everyone could just read like that

maybe I should just get another one,
and not tell anyone about it at all
perhaps some?
well in any case, it shall be my haven(:

it's just so hard to express everything right here
because there's no one to scream with you
when you really want to let it all out
or to catch those tears when they fall

but the only thing I can rely on is my pillow!(:
although it muffles my screams
and absorbs my warm tears
still, it'll be there for me when I need it

I guess we can't have the best of everything right
certain things have to be sacrificed
in order to get what we want
like how we experience the loss of loved ones
in order to learn to cherish the ones we have
and like how we experience sadness
in order to understand the true significance of happiness

there are times when we go to the extremes
to seek out our goals
only to know that it wasn't as significant as we thought it'd be
just like how we'd fly all the way up
only to come back down again

and we're always quick to judge that the whole journey
wasn't worth it just because we don't get what we want
but I think the most important thing
is to be contented with what you already have
because even if we don't reach the skies
we can still fall back on the clouds right

although we may not get what we desire
we may even receive something else out of the blue
maybe even much better than we once perceived it to be

even behind every flower lies a seed,

and behind every failure lies a success,

and behind every journey leaves behind
a memory of a lifetime,

and behind all those ups and downs lies behind
a chance for us to treasure the levelled grounds

and behind all those fights and confrontations
we had with our loved ones lies behind
a chance for us to look back and laugh

because it's the contentment
which puts an end to the desires;

I don't wanna see you fall all the way down

at the rate of 10 metres per second

what I want to see instead

is you

holding on to one of the clouds

and hanging on to it

until I come for you(:

a thousand miles
11:26 PM

Sunday, November 26, 2006

I was away at band camp from thurs onwards(:
so yeahs

BAND CAMP WAS EXHILARATING!
uh huh, and there were lots of games and stuff
to keep us HIGH haha

the whole band was divided into groups
doh, rae, me, fa, soh, la, ti, (high) doh
I was in LA!
imagine us singing out the note when we gathered to find our groups
and we were like LAAAAAA, where are you!
(((:

guess what the theme of the camp was!
CHEMISTRY.
(most of us pretty much guessed where that came from haha)

FIRST GAME: ATOMS AND MOLECULES
which was a multi-group captainball kind of game
and it took place in the courtyard
it comprised of 8 catchers,
FORTY SEEKERS,
8 point-counters,
and the rest were cheerleaders!

the game went pretty wild as they were MANY people running around
to catch the items which the leaders threw in
and the items kept coming in and decreased in size
but for the first round I was cheerleading(:
THEN
the leaders threw in FISHBALLS!
I had a hard time catching them
because the fishballs would bounce out of your reach you know
haha, and when you had a fishball in your hands
everyone would be eyeing you and they'd go
EH LOOK, FISHBALL!
and they'll start crowding around you haha

quite fun as a whole, but it started to drizzle))):

NEXT: SCAVENGER HUNT(to pass time while it rained)
we had to fulfill the requests of the leaders
and to surrender all sorts of stuff to them
well we were supposed to give them
3 shoelaces,
5 watches,
a strand of hair from each person of the group,
and the chinese names of the leaders!
btw, LA came in first!
YAYS(:

then came a really lame idea from the leaders
we were supposed to gather around like solid particles
not leaving any gaps in between
and then slowly distance ourselves from one another like liquid particles
BECAUSE WE WERE GOING FOR PT!((:
LAME LA.

so we started cheering and all throughout
and the leaders checked to see if we were okay most of the time
see, they're very NICE okay(:
amirah and I would do a countdown every 5 seconds
and then we would jump wildly into the air
like this> FIVE!
FOUR!
THREE!
TWO!
ONE!
*jumps into the air, waving hands frantically like a retard(:
PT really makes us go LALALA~
okay, that was lame-.-

then came DRILLS.
I think the sec two squad has become much louder
ever since those from LTC returned(:
well I guess we're much more bonded and enthu now haha
and every time we had 5 minute water breaks in between
we would be encouraging each other and all that(:
but I still think we could have put in more effort though

NEXT GAME: MUSICIAN OF THE YEAR
(it left me laughing okay!)
so we went around the stations to complete the task given
the first task was to deliver a lemon to the other side
which was a few feet away
without using our hands or legs
but we didn't think of using our mouths!
instead we used our skirts as catapults
and the lemon was fired again and again until it reached the other side
it was cute okay(:

the next task was to have three volunteers
to finish up TWO 1.5 litre bottles of water
and the best thing was
I didn't even know what I was volunteering for aye
and when I realised that we had to drink up the water
I was seriously freaking out you know!
that goes to show how retarded I can get at times(:
but we still managed to finish those bottles haha

so after we finished all those tasks
such as making human-blended watermelon juice,
and eating the bananas and apples supported by strings
we reached our pit stop and got on to making our mascot
OUR MUSICIAN OF THE YEAR!
well our mascot was made up of two 1.5 litre plastic bottles,
rubber bands,
watermelon juice,
banana peel,
remains of an apple core,
lemon peel,
plastic cups,
masking tape,
and last of all
OUR CREATIVE JUICES((:
we made a string bass of of the above mentioned materials
using bits and pieces of banana peel as the strings of the instrument
and overall it was a success I guess

Rena and I did the presentation thing
while LA performed a drumroll for us which was a really a great start
and the whole way I was shaking on the platform
but I just kept talking and talking
(and crapping)
though I really meant it when I said that
the band could achieve our ultimate goal
if we could continue to motivate and encourage each other to do well constantly
and to perservere till the end
overcoming all odds
yeah we can ACHIEVE.
if we BELIEVE. (see, it even rhymes)

overall,
BAND CAMP ROCKED(:
not to mention, farewell too
I simply loved the leaders item!
although I watched it backstage haha
and I could see that the leaders put in lots of effort
when they came out relieved and all yupps

I liked the farewell video too!
and the special segment specially prepared by the sec fours
was really touching indeed(:

oh wells, I guess this is my last band camp though
but we'll remain as bandits forever,
won't we?(:

a thousand miles
10:55 PM

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

sometimes I can only stand by your side
and just remain silent;
when I actually have so much to say to you
but I know that those words would hurt
which really keeps me back from everything else

and sometimes,
I can only stand here
and smile like some retarded statue;
when I'm just breaking apart inside
with so much despair and anguish
but it's all plastered up and hidden behind those walls of cement

and at other times,
I can only walk forward
and to welcome the dark clouds in front
all waiting to overshadow me
when I really want to run backwards
and to retrace my steps;
back to where I came from
and to cherish the glows of sunshine I used to take for granted

it's funny how we tell ourselves not to do something
but we often defy our voices screaming inside
and do it instead
ain't it

yes, I have such retarded behaviour
and I ain't perfect(:

but what I meant was,
that sometimes we just have to listen to our hearts
rather than our minds
because our hearts are capable of painting a picture of a thousand words
whereas our minds decipher the picture into little codes,
giving answers like 'you shouldn't do this'
or 'you shouldn't do that'

and only when we allow ourselves to listen to our hearts
we start to discover a wider range of options
and we realise that we're so restrained with the way we think sometimes
that we fail to open ourselves to new doors
when we could actually tell ourselves
'hey, why not' right

you don't have to agree with me,
because this is a random post
and I'm pretty much a random person aye(:

anyway there's band tomorrow
which means that I'll have something to look forward to
and then it'll be BAND CAMP!
which I believe would rock the whole of cedar(:

WOOTS.

a thousand miles
11:02 PM

Sunday, November 19, 2006

I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS POST TO MY DAD.(:

yupps, it was his birthday a few days ago
and boy, he's getting old (or should I say young) haha

well he gave me lots of personal space to grow
and he taught me to take responsibility in whatever I do and stuff
he never really interferes with my problems
though he does give me advice sometimes

one thing about him is that he never really expresses himself
in front of his loved ones
but sometimes you have to look out for those little hints
to know that he really does care indeed
which is what I like about him(:

oh yes, did I mention?
ALL DADS ARE SUPER DUPER LAME. :D
my dad is super random, and he's eager to please everyone with whatever he says
so yeah
but he's quite funny at times
sorry daddy if I ever roll my eyes at you
when you try so hard to cheer me up(:

so well
HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY DADDY!
I love you
and in my eyes,
you'll always be that super duper lame father that I've grown to love(:

<3
<33
<333
and more hearts!(:
<33333333333

okay, this happy post has absolutely nothing to do with my previous one
but I seriously need a break okay

things have not been going well
and I find myself breaking down in those little situations
which I know I can deal with easily
and this tells me that I really need a break
so yeahs

btw lisa, your tag kinda made my day really(:
I know that you'd really want me to be happy
and I'm glad you brought that up
I can't promise you that I'd be happy for all of you out there
but I can at least try to right
even if that smile fails to appear,
I STILL LOVE YOU GUYS OKAY(:
and since now it's the holidays
I LOVE YOU GUYS MORE(X
although I can't measure how much I love you all
well you get it right

for all those going for LTC:
JIAYOU OKAY!
and most of all,
JUST HAVE FUN AND ENJOY YOURSELVES YEAH
and that's what matters(:

you guys get to go through what I wish I could
so make the best of it okay!

sometimes when we sink to our lows, we forget how high we once soared}

a thousand miles
11:29 PM

Sunday, November 12, 2006

How does it feel to be stopped in your tracks,
after moving on for some time,
and what's strange is that you don't even know why you're stopping
:/

I realise that I tend to lose myself easily,
as though my sense of consciousness is stripped away from me,
and I act rashly and impulsively
and it surprises me sometimes
really.

but what else can I do right now,
besides putting on that smile on my face?
even if the rain continues to pour,
or if the sun continues to shine,
or if you continue to stand right there,
that smile would be there no matter what

I'm feeling really random right now
so don't ask me why;
bear with me(:

I guess you don't know how I felt at that moment
when you gave me assurances,
assuring me that you'd be there for me,
because that's what friends are for;
but I guess you don't know how I felt at that moment too,
when you gave me assurances,
assuring me that you'd support me in every decision I make

That assurance gave me a source of hope,
and I counted on them to the extent of expecting so much in return
but not seeing those expectations come into place
simply pains me;

and I marvelled at how powerful that pain was,
just by turning a moment so sweet to one which was incredibly sour
and zapping away all my energy
just as I needed all those to put on that dutiful smile on my face

I just couldn't allow myself to ignore that sensation;
for it too much for me to bear
and sometimes all I could do
was to just sit there by myself
and let it all out
that was all I could do.

I don't even know if you truly understand
and I don't even know if you really care
after all these times

beacause we don't even feel for each other anymore}

a thousand miles
1:06 AM

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

It's kinda relieving to know that
people are getting on just fine with their own lives
like those from tao nan or even those currently in cedar

but we no longer share the same sentiments
that we used to have
which really makes me feel as though there is some sort of absence
or maybe we've really grown apart

I can feel the distance between us swiftly increasing as time runs on
and I can't feel it no more;

I've been thinking a lot about the decisions I've made
and I see potential changes which are looming
but I don't think I'd get to see them take place
because things have taken a turn in a way I'd never have thought possible

are things gonna change for the better?

And at this time
it is the assurances that we receive from others
which keeps us going
for we don't know what's in store for us
or do we?

I've had my doubts
and it makes me wonder if everything would go on just fine
There are many times I end up telling myself
that I'd have to go through all these alone
and we won't get to walk through the same road together;
not anymore, not even a chance):

I don't even know if it's all worth it,
and more often than not I force myself to believe
that it's all gonna turn out okay

sigh.

I remember how easily I used to share whatever feelings I had
with the people around me
but now,
it all becomes a hefty task for me
and I find it difficult to open myself to others

Sometimes when we listen too much of what others say about us, it is then we realise how much we've failed to listen to ourselves}

ain't it.

a thousand miles
11:56 PM

THE SIXTH OF NOVEMBER
was just so fulfilling;

Well I guess it was the last day I got to see
all thirty-nine of them (well almost)
in one spirit,
one harmony

and it was my last day I got to wear
the cedar school uniform):

the bus ride was pretty okay
I spent most of my time convincing dear beatrice to go for
the POOL PARTAYE
and yes, she finally did agree(:

yeah I pretty much stoned
and just living the moment just as it was
somehow those sitting around me
-nurul, nabila, rasyiqah, zak, hafiza, marlia
were cheering like we did during jogging
which gave a complete boost to the mood
HAHA

the yakult factory visit was insightful
I learnt lots okay
and yakult is good for health
and maintaining a healthy digestive system(:
and we were each given a yakult
the lactobacillus casei shirota strain worked so fast
and before the whole introduction talk ended
almost half of the class scrambled for the toilet
LOL

now I'd rather drink yakult original(:
and it's nicer without the food colouring yeah

well I thought it would be cool to have an internship there
maybe in the near future haha
MICROBIOLOGY

and I guess Jharyathri was right
it always seems as though the return trip is faster right
maybe we've all submerged into a pool of excitement
and we just don't want it to end aye

then came the POOL PARTAYE
at yi min's house
but before that,
we all shopped for food to be barbecued
and chips, chips and more chips!
and paulina, beatrice, i wen and I chipped in
to get SUSHI
but too bad not all of us got to eat it though):

oh and most of us sat on the steps of the pool
and we splashed each other with water
while the others had a great time swimming
somehow beatrice played with her watch and it dropped to the bottom of the pool
and prisia had to get it for her (tsktsk)
hey, prisia is a really good swimmer though it can get really splashy at times haha
and we stared at her awestruck
as she dipped gracefully like a dolphin and surfaced again
and we applaused like retarded spectators(x

so the rest of us got to the top of the clubhouse
and prepared for the barbecue!
we laid out everything
and we got the fire started
it was a gas pit so it was pretty okay yup
and we were divided into groups

presenting....
THE POTATO GROUP!
and nabila was given the task to cut the potatoes into different shapes and sizes
she made hot cross buns, smilies and she was just so PRO la(:
and the rest covered the potatoes with cheese
and MORE cheese
wrapping them into cute little balls with aluminium foils
all ready to be cooked

THE KETUPAT PEELING GROUP!
lisa, prisia, aishwarya and I were busy peeling the coconut leaves off the ketupat
haha, lisa and I were appalled by the mere art of it
hmm maybe it's more than just a bunch of leaves stringed together
it's a whole lot more than that
it's called culture!(:
maybe we'll learn the art of ketupat making together one day? HAHA

THE SODA POURING GROUP!
yup and the rest were busy laying out the cups,
pouring out the sodas
-Sprite, Zesty Apple, Coca Cola, Ice Lemon Tea and many others I think
and we're proud to say
that we finished all of the sodas
in just one day! (or should I say night)
we had to switch to water as we ran out of beverages
we thirst for more. (:

THE CHIPS REFILLING GROUP!
haha, it was funny how everyone crowded at the table
and all grabbed the chips before they were gone
and everytime the chips were refilled
we all cheered(: haha
and everytime I went to the table
it was a different flavour(x
or is it just me.

and of course,
THE BARBECUE-ING GROUP!
there are different sections you know
there's the satay women,
chicken wing flippers,
potato fishers,
and the butterers!
and boy, barbecueing is not easy
it takes lots of skill and PATIENCE
but it ain't difficult for us 2SHAY-ians right
cos we have the determination
and we got through the many close shaves
of starting a big fire
HAHA

and there's the FREELOADERS!
haha, and I'm a part-time freeloader
I was busy eating away
when so many people got down to the serious cooking XD
but the satay was nice and tender!
yum yum(:

After the whole eating and stuff
we got into a circle and played truth or dare
and cathlin was made to eat wasabi!
but before long I went down to the steps just by the pool again
which was nice as it overlooked the whole area
and beatrice and I chatted and stuff

AND THEN

a great idea flashed upon our minds!

*hunts around for security guard
and beatrice flashes the ALL CLEAR sign haha
and we half-dipped ourselves into the shallow pool
and then paulina came along
and she joined in!
so we formed a train and walked around the fountain balls
which made us look retarded
but whatever(:

I Wen came in later,
and guess what we did
we danced in the pool which was really cool
did I tell you that it was much more stimulating as to dance in water
than to do it in a dance studio
because it adds to the mood I guess
haha I shall call it WATER DANCING then(:
lalala~

Well,
so much for our pool party
I really enjoyed myself as a whole
I'm sure the other 2Shay-ians enjoyed themselves too aye

CREDITS
to YI MIN for hosting the pool party and happily accomodating our requests
and to check to see if we were okay and all
to SHERRI and ALVINA for organising the whole thing to see that it turn out well
and yes it did(:
to fellow 2SHAY-ians who turned up for the party and creating a party mood
and yes,
to the security guard for tolerating our many nuisances
but that's just the way we are(:
2SHAY!

I just don't want it to end}

a thousand miles
12:35 AM

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Today was

FUN!
FUN!
FUN!(:

I can't stop smiling;

today was a fun day spent at tao nan, really fun actually.

100 games and food stalls were set up to commemorate the 100 years,
heee(: SO OLD alr. haha

The whole school was practically PACKED with people,
and it's the first time I got to see the teachers all hyped up and everything,
despite the usual serious faces (or should I say the usual daos)
they put up when they teach
HAHA

Well I got to see many people, and I guess some of them are still the way they are, while there are others who really evolved.
I couldn't recognise them no more, but still there are certain things which would still remain the same.

Haha, like the way we used to play tag in the parade square and stuff(:

Oh yes,
I met up with SARENA, ELIS and TZU HSIANG!

and apparently they came early in the morning!

So we went around the stalls and we sat on this supertop dancer thing which was somewhat like that rainbow ride in escape, only smaller.
But still, it was FUN. I was screaming throughout the whole ride.
Haha, I stumbled when I got off the thing.

We were little kids at heart and guess what we did

WE ATE ICE CREAM;
and we settled down at the dunking station,
where it was the best place to take your much awaited-for revenge on your teachers by getting them all wet(:
and our principal Mr Tan was invited to host the dunking station haha

it's strange how there was a sudden increase in the queues for that particular stall
LOL
and he was dunked a total of four times!
(you can see how merciless us students are aye)

A recap of what we ate:
mashed potatoes,
cotton candy,
campbell soup,
and all those stuff which could satisfy a kid's hunger for the sweet things(:

Well anyway soon we were tired of all those walking
and we just sat down at the staircase area behind the parade square
and talked(:
which was nice yeah

Well it was a relatively nice day spent with them yup

I really miss you guys from 5G'03 and 6H'04

You guys seriously rock!(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAO NAN! <333

a thousand miles
11:04 PM

Thursday, November 02, 2006

things have been going slow-mo today

Well I guess I've been used to the normal hectic schedule of having school
plus CCA in the afternoon

But without all those, I'm given more time to slack and stoneeee):

It's funny how we'd long to do without all these stuff
and when we finally have time for ourselves
we long to have it back
HAHA

Well I guess my percussion section-mates are in KL right now
and just thinking of how much fun they'll have there
really makes me squirm ):
Anyway I hope they'd have all those massive sleepovers
like we had in Thailand
and probably DANCE and make as much noise as possible until the other roomates COMPLAIN haha

Haha maybe later on I'll go study chem(:
a better alternative to physics gahhh
and hopefully I'll look forward to band tomorrow
yes, I will survive.

btw, I believe that you don't need people to tell you
that they really do love you to know that you're loved
cos they love you all the same
despite the physical distance we have between each other
and it's just so disappointing to hear that you feel unloved
when so many people around you try so hard to make you feel otherwise

I don't know;
but I guess I try not to expect so much
ever since that day

Sometimes it's our expectations which prevents us from advancing further and isn't it better to know that you're progressing at little steps at a time
rather than taking gigantic leaps you know you'd end up falling

Sometimes it's our expectations which dimishes our little achievements
and it's funny how we'd forget the pains we took today
for a better tomorrow
and tomorrow we'd just thirst for more and our expectations would just run on like some forever-operating treadmill
and in the end we'd just lose track of our starting line
and then we stop and ask ourselves what direction
we were heading initially
and the sad thing is,
we can't even find the answer
even when it's just in front of us

just like an invisible ghost desperately trying to reveal itself, waving its hands frantically but it all goes unnoticed;

Sometimes our expectations make us oblivious to the world we're living in and they just lead us to a world of disappointment instead}

oh wells.

ANYONE WANNA BOOK ME FOR THE HOLS?
HEHHHS. (:
haha it sounds wrong(x
LOLLL. East coast maybe?

ZAI JIAN. (:

a thousand miles
8:30 PM

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Monday, November 27, 2006

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Thursday, November 02, 2006

YADA. (:

FEMME.

EVERYTHING WITHIN.

THE LOVE.

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