Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I have been lying to myself all this while.

I was hiding from the cold hard truth,
and I didn't want to face it
and now it's all coming back at me again
I can only say
that I really deserve it
Oh yes I do

I thought that I would hide all the hurt and pain
from others and I didn't want it to affect them in any way possible
but now it seems
that the harder I keep it all within me
and fail to open myself up to others
and to share my pain with them,
the more hurt they actually receive than what I do

I was so stubborn.
There were people who were there for me
and yet I pushed them aside
and now I'm left all alone
How egoistical I was
to think that I didn't need them at all
and that I was better off without anyone standing by my side

But it only made me weaken further.

I want to stop procrastinating.
All I cared for was myself,
thinking that if it made me feel much better
it would make those around me feel better too

But I was deep wrong

I have to retrace my steps
to take a u-turn or something
and I am deeply grateful
if I would to be given another chance at it again
and I would give it my all

Even the best fall down sometimes
so do not be afraid to fall
cos' the fear of falling is much more vulnerable
than falling itself

I have fallen.

and I am not afraid that I have

now all I need now
is to share my hurt and pain with those around me
for then I'd be able to get up again
and walk freely like I used to

I think it takes much more courage to open yourself up,
and to share all your hurt that has been bothering you
with your loved ones
than to bottle it all within;
cos the hurt that is inflicted upon those whom you initially thought you "protected"
will ultimately outweigh the hurt that is inflicted when you are
willing to share it with others

Well I guess being strong,
is have a sense of admitting to your mistakes
and forget about everything that has to do with your ego
and what matters most
is that you're able to extend yourself further
widen your scope or range
and to do what is not expected of you,
and at the same time,
standing firm to your beliefs.

It doesn't mean that once you've fallen
you're left all alone by yourself to figure it out,
but it's more like you chose for it to turn out that way
but rather it means that once you've fallen
you're more likely to realise
that the ones whom you often seem to doubt of their intentions
instead turn out to be there for you
supporting you as and when you need;

do them a favour as you would do it for yourself;
don't turn them down yeah

I think I've finally realised my mistake;
and I don't think falling would be something that I am afraid of,
not anymore I guess.

It is our option to choose
whether we want things to work out that way
and even if things have turned out way beyond our expectations
we often choose to hang over and mope about it,
instead of considering the many hidden options that we have in store

I want to stop pretending;
You may think that I'm okay,
but it's merely a damn facade alright

I want to take off that facade
and every moment I have it with me
is just so torturing;

don't we all take things for granted anyway
and it's strange how we understand how much the things we have around us
everyday -friends, loved ones etc. really mean to us
when they are lost right

just like the seedling,
ever accepting the sun's love
love that is rich with sunlight
and it,
silently appreciating whatever the sun does
just to keep it alive

on the contrary,
if that seedling resists that act of love
and turns down whatever the sun does out of its spiritual kindness,
it's no different than a withered plant overshadowed by tall sturdy trees
and when it finally knows what state it is in
it longs for a chance to start all over
and even though it starts to appreciate the sun's love

it's all too late isn't it

I'm just like that withered plant in a corner}

a thousand miles
5:26 PM

YADA. (:

Watch me as i fall a thousand storeys
just to reach the ground
& see you smile just the way you did before\

FEMME.

barnacles ♠
female ♠
19february ♠
pisces ♠
cedar girls (: ♠
nushs (: ♠

EVERYTHING WITHIN.

THE LOVE.

let's just say we have telepathy. (:

2SHAYYY '06
alvina
azrina
cathlin
cherze
fiona
i wen
jie lei
lisa
nabila
nurul
paulina
rachel
rasyiqah
sherri
vanessa zavir
whee
yi min
zarque

CEDAR PERC'
ching hong
ci hui
tsu wie
tracy
syahirah

NUSHS
divya
vanee
tingan

TNS
alisa
carol
joshua
li zhi
tzu hsiang

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Image: %purplish.STEPS
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Adobe Photoshop

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

YADA. (:

FEMME.

EVERYTHING WITHIN.

THE LOVE.

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