Friday, September 29, 2006

It's been a long time. hasn't it.

A long time since we actually sat down together,
and practically talked our heart out,
till our voices were sore.
(No, it wasn't that bad right)

No matter how much I'll miss those times,
I'll always remember how much they made an impact in my life.

I don't think you'll ever come to understand,
what you've taught me.

I admired your sheer enthusiasm,
and you showed me the door to another world,
a world of light-heartedness,
a world where everything didn't matter at all,
but the ones we love the most.
I didn't really realise the power of all those at first,
not until now.

I didn't know that loving someone;
could hurt so much,
I didn't know that to stop loving someone;
could hurt so much too.
So wouldn't it be better not to love anyone at all?
No, because to be able to love or to be loved,
would ultimately brighten up our lives,
and diminish the conflicts and tensions we've had.

Whether or not it's time to go,
I'm not sure.
But what I do know,
is that I'll always have memories,
and at least I can hold on to them,
and not feel alone like I used to.

You'll never know how happy I was,
to be part of those memories.}

a thousand miles
8:50 PM

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Broken up inside}

It wasn't easy, not for me at least.
I feared for others, I feared for myself.
I feared for what is to happen,
while I know I shouldn't.

To see the best in others,
and to see them the way I do,
are two totally different things.
Striking a balance between them almost seems impossible,
doesn't it.

I often doubt myself,
in whatever I do.
And it's bothering me.
I want to stop all these,
and I want to regain the confidence I need.
Would someone please give me my key?

Haha I know it doesn't lie in others,
neither does it lie in those I love.
It's just funny sometimes,
to wake up one day,
and to find that key right in your pocket.
And everything just follows after. LOL.
(it's not completely false right) haha

I try to see the best in others,
to convince myself that they're the way
I perceive them to be.
Not until now,
when I finally realise that what's important,
is to diminish their shortcomings,
and most importantly,
to magnify their strengths.

It's all an optical illusion?

Oh well, I just need a break from all the exam stress.
But the mere thought of it coming to an end excites me somehow.
Yes, I long for it end, but
haha, somehow I don't want it to.

I just want to stop time from running,
and to just take everything just as it is. (:

a thousand miles
10:56 PM

Friday, September 22, 2006

Trust.}

Trust takes a million years for it to take its purest form,
and yet we often take it for granted.
Sadly, we've built it up to see it fall.

We've built it up over time,
and now it just falls from our hands,
and yet we blame each other for what's happened.
but in truth, we only have ourselves to blame.

Yet now we question our intentions,
and we take it all out face to face,
only to know how much we've missed out on each other.
And that's where it hurts.

What we've given each other isn't what we call trust,
but assuring each other that we'll be okay throughout it all,
and that we'll be there for them when they're down,
and when reality takes its place,
we hold on to that assurance,
only to expect further disappointment.

I know it hurts to know the truth,
but at least we start to realise,
that all we've been working for is blind trust.

We're all so caught up with our own lives,
that we fail to spend time with those around us,
and yet we expect to gain trust from others.

Trusting each other takes time, and we all need to put in a little effort right.
How do we expect us to trust each other if we don't feel for it,
and we don't give others some time for them to build it up,
and to speak our mind like we used to?

I guess it all takes time right.

a thousand miles
8:53 PM

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Nothing feels the same}

Not anymore.

Everyone's running.

They're all moving in different directions.
Some are further away from others,
well others struggle to keep up.

They're all dispersing at different angles,
where to, I don't exactly know.
Just like the dispersal of white light through a prism. hurs.

What's interesting though,
is that they all started at the same point.
but I doubt they'd ever meet again.

Put in another prism maybe?
Urgh, enough of science.

I know I shouldn't be here,
and I don't really like the idea of procrastinating hurs.
Time to pay back yup?

It's study time!

a thousand miles
10:42 PM

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Guess what I'd do when I'm down?

I'd jog. (:
What's more, it's at night.

I wasn't feeling too well today. No, it wasn't the tests which stressed me out.
But it was the fact that I knew,
that my life was about to take a turn.
It was that unbearable feeling of having flying butterflies in your stomach,
waiting to eat you up one by one.
Sometimes I wonder, am I that vulnerable?

I have to admit, things are different now,
and I can't even relate to the ones closest to me.
Worlds are slowly drifting apart,
and reality sinks in.

Maybe it would have been better if I'd complied.

But I know that it would only causing further hurt and distress to those around me.
And I always end up having difficulties clearing it up with them.
I guess all this while I've been making blind commitments,
and maybe it's time to let go.

Maybe, just maybe.

But is it really time to let go?
hmmms.

Then there were those who showed concern,
always checking up on me to see if I'm okay,
but I guess there's a limit to it sometimes.
But it's okay if they've finally given up,
and maybe I've been too numb to realise.

So I took it all out by jogging, and boy,
did I feel so free for the very first time,
to be free from my troubles;
to be free from almost everything.
The tranquility I sensed when the wind ruffled my hair was relaxing,
as though it lifted me up or something,
and everything else didn't even matter at all,
not even school.

I just ran,
as fast as I could,
and as far as my legs could take me.
And I'm just glad that I felt much better after that. [:

Wish me good luck for tomorrow yup?
Let's just hope it'll be a better day. (:

a thousand miles
11:41 PM

Sunday, September 10, 2006

A beginning of a new term;
yet it just spells the close of another chapter.

It has been a tiring marathon,
and there were a couple of times I felt like falling.

I didn't know why I longed to fall,
Maybe I wanted to know how it felt like,
to give up everything in front of me,
and to be free from the things I held on to.

But was it really freedom?
haha, no I don't think so. (:

It wasn't till much later,
when I realised that I was backed by those invisible pillars of strength,
that choosing to fall just wasn't right.
I thought myself as foolish,
to underestimate the power hidden behind those pillars,
and worse still,
to underestimate their true existence.

I knew I had to turn back,
to return to where I belonged.
but it didn't occur to me,
how far I had to run,
or how long it would take me to get there,
I just knew I had to.

Oh well, term four is in less than 24 hours away.
I made a couple of mistakes along the way,
and striving not to repeat those mistakes,
doesn't mean that I forbid them from happening,
or rather, I have become stronger.

How much stronger, I don't know.

But deep inside me,
I just know,
that if I were to encounter a hole in front of me,
I'd choose to walk round it, and move on.
For I'd walked straight into it a couple of months back.

But not anymore. (:

a thousand miles
11:18 PM

Sunday, September 03, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEATRICE!
(that's if you ever read this, but I highly doubt so)

Enjoy yourself today, and don't let anything, or anyone get in your mood okay.

I've endured all your punches and kicks, and all I have left are scars.
It's strange, how those scars bring back happy memories.

Now, let's all be refined young ladies, shall we? (:

a thousand miles
4:54 PM

Friday, September 29, 2006

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Friday, September 22, 2006

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Sunday, September 03, 2006

YADA. (:

FEMME.

EVERYTHING WITHIN.

THE LOVE.

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